Less than two weeks left. It's all such a messy teary blur of shTUFFF i haven't had time or energy to write about how i'm feeling, i just know that one day i'll wanna know when i look back on this.
Basically. Every happy moment I have makes me teary. Every sad moment as well. Every song I listen to, every photo I see, every last goodbye, every message i'm sent, every memory I've had and making. Everything.
Since when am I such an emotional person?! I never used to tear up. ever.
Imagining the end. Ridiculously painful. I'm sorry to admit I've so forgotten all of you back home, just in the way that... it's so far away in everything. My life is here and has been here and im so scared to readjust. then i think of all my friends and family in Canadaland... and i get teary again. jesus. i can't even freaking write this right now! :'(
sometimes i almost wish i hadn't done this. JUST because.. it's been so unbelievable and amazing and heart breaking down building up patching together everythingy. because it hurts so much to have to leave. i know i couldn't live here forever, but. oh you have no idea. i have no idea.
Mom, im so happy you're coming to try and see where i've lived for so long and to meet my family but. im also scared. all of a sudden it feels wrong and hard and sad to combine my two lives. maybe you'll understand, maybe you won't. i dont want to offend you by saying this, at all. i just. my god i dont know a thing right now.
Please be prepared if the Mia you used to know is absent for awhile. She's changed and changing and she's going to be super confused and sad and don't think it's not that she isn't happy to be home; just. I'm so sorry- i had NO idea what this would do to me. I was so naiive. "woopeee i wanna go learn spanish in some poor country :D " How stupid and brilliant i was to sign up for this. honestly.
lots of love xo
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