I'm so confused lately. My head is so spacey and muddled and I just feel like I'm floating around in space between different lives and strangers. I don't feel attached to Canada or Peru exactly but. It's not like I'm forgetting my life back home, or that it's being replaced, but it just feels like I've always lived here and always will.
I can't describe it. I used to think there were some things I could never live without, for example snow, but it's just so weird. To be so far away from my old life seems so surreal. As if that was an exchange and now I'm back home. Or as if I don't have a home and I'll just always be going from exchange to exchange and wandering this earth until I die, but never settling somewhere.
I do but I don't. I have to be careful what I say... I don't even know.
At first- I didn't miss any of you :P Until about a month and a half in... then I was soooo incredibley homesick for a few weeks it was nuts. And now.. I don't know. I never could have predicted this sort of emotional conFUSION!!! Wow. Writing it that way just made me see that word in a different way. Con-with. Fusion-of many or different emotions.
I'm depressed and delighted and content and triste. I'm coming home February 19th and i know it will be amazing. Maybe this is why they push you towards doing the year long exchanges instead... but then again. If I stayed here any longer, it would just hurt even more to be leaving. OMG this is so hard to properly describe without saying something I'm not sure I mean or not. I'm trying but.
I think I'm realizing that like my whole life is going to be about meeting, loving, missing and losing and gaining people and places and experiences and wow its just this crazy awakening and yeah. Nothing lasts forever, everything changes, there will always be happiness and sadness and I'm just so glad I did this. It is going to hurt to leave, but I would never regret it. Ever.
:)
ReplyDeletehttp://www.uncorneredmarket.com/2010/01/stuff-junkie-experience-junkie/
http://theexperiencejunkie.com/the-7-tenets-of-an-experience-junkie/
Beautifully said, Miaclaire, and even a little wise. Way to go.
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Aaw thanks dad! That means so much coming from you. :)
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